Alright, day two is almost in the books...they're either celebrating the most important legislation in a generation in Washington, or lamenting the end of the human race as we know it. I think giving up the tv might be next on my list. Listening to excerpts of Glenn Beck give me seriously homicidal thoughts, to say nothing of Tea Baggers. How the hell am I supposed to remain true to my spiritual quest of 30 days with such lunacy infecting the airwaves?!?! O, what was that? Did you say turn the tv off?? Good thinkin' Batman.
I've been listening to Tara Brach for the better part of three years, and in case you don't know her, I highly recommend her to anyone. At any rate, part of my 30 days is listening to one of her podcasts first thing in the morning while mucking stalls...you'd be surprised how meditative mucking out can be.
But I gotta interrupt this important telecast with a stomach now in revolt...jesus christ, be right ba
Phew. I made it. Barely I might add. Can anyone tell me why stomach pains have to come along for the ride?!
Where was I...Tara. So in my earnest desire to alter my perspective when it comes to why I do things in life, I've brought along some alternative theories to keep me company...as I mentioned yesterday, buddhism, Landmark Education and yoga will be my main squeezes, with a healthy mix of bare bones honesty.
I was asked the other day how I deal with 'Letting Go'. Am I any good at it, Katherine asked me. And I got to thinking, hmmmm, am I? My first impression was a simple yes, of course. One can't ride horses with any success without being able to live in the moment, and one can't really live in the moment if they can't let go...which is shorthand for bringing the past with us, right?? And if you've never ridden a horse, if you're not fully present to what's going on between your legs and your hands, you ain't gonna do too well. Trust me on that. So I got that part down pat, no sweat. Then I got to thinking a little more...and I had to admit I'm one who gets off a horse swearing a blue streak for what I did or didn't do that cost us...it is a trait which has served me well. You can't learn the lesson if you're not aware you screwed it up in the first place...But moving past horses to my life, I realized this letting go is something of a human struggle, a daily part of our lives, for better and for worse. We relish the good moments, rue the bad ones. How long am I going to stew in the hunger which comes with eating half a grapefruit for breakfast when Dad brings his help egg and cheese sandwiches (and a cup of tea fercrissakes!)? A daily practice indeed...which brings me back to Tara and her podcasts. She's a buddhist, and one of the big foundations of Buddhism is living in the present. Being present. So if you're so hungry the bale of straw you're carrying around suddenly looks tasty, are you being present for burying your face in the straw while drooling out the side of your mouth or what?! Ok ok, a rhetorical aside. Forgive me. I think Tara would say being present means acknowledging the hunger, then letting the moment pass forward to filling the water bucket, raking in an o so zen manner etc. And this morning I had just such a moment...I can be present to the hunger, but I choose to let it slide away so I can be present with tacking my horse up, scratching his withers so HE can let his tongue hang out in pure bliss. And damn if it didn't work! Still, this question of letting go kept with me, and of course it didn't take long to realize I'm good at being present and simultaneously crappy at it...there is a part of me which takes great pleasure in not letting go of slights, of my warts, of everyone else's warts, and that same part of my ego delights in this clever little ploy of distraction. Slowly, ever so slowly, I've come around to see this for what it is; holding on to the hurts I've accumulated over the years. And why on earth would I choose to wallow in the past when every second is an opportunity to see a hawk fly over head, to play tag with Snuf while I tack him up, or simply follow my breath and remind myself I only have this moment. It sounds so damn trite, doesn't it, saying we only have this moment...so damn spiritual and groovy, so ethereal!! (oh hello ego, still here are you?! bastard, I'll get you yet). But honestly, when I just sit down on the bale of straw I've stopped abusing and ponder such eloquence and simplicity I almost want to cry for missing out on all those moments I could've been witnessing beauty, creating it even, for being lost in the distraction of the past...and this to me is the essence of letting go. The real reason why I must practice this day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. If you're holding on instead of letting go, you cannot be in this moment. And if you cannot be in this moment how the hell can you possibly savor it, enjoy it, LOVE it?!?!

Wow. I just got hit between the eyes. Me'thinks the reason for inducing carpal tunnel has just sat in my lap. I think I'm going to cuddle for a while...............