So yesterday I brazenly decided I was going to be unreasonable about two phone calls........And all day I've been in this mildly detached mood, hovering close to being snarky, borderline judgmental with just about everyone I came in contact with. This evening I was yet again preparing myself to eat a big ol' bowl of rice. The defense mechanisms seemed to be warming up. I wasn't in a funk, but I was a lot closer than I thought. Until now. I just got off the phone with Katherine, and I told her about Geoff, our history and what brought me to make that declaration yesterday...and while I freely admitted my ego was running the show, I thought I was merely examining my ego for what lay beneath it, supposedly not taking anything personally. Merely curious was the belief I clung to. But the cool thing about friends and honesty is, they won't let your ego run the show. The last couple of days I've been slow to see how beneficial it is to have one of your friends stay with you while you're contemplating something like my 30 day journey, or even just why I've not callen a long lost friend. And Katherine, to her credit, simply kept repeating herself as she is wont to do, 'why not just call him?' again and again. It didn't take long before I started to feel annoyed, and luckily for me a switch switched, and I saw what was going on...the infernal ego is at it again!! I could see this dilemma of calling Geoff taking on all sorts of big, HUGE, meaning, whether I called or moreso if not. And my stinking ego really wants to keep the upper hand here...I called him, I've called him numerous times over the years. He's called me the same amount of time Brandi Carlile has to join her on tour. That would be zip. Nada. I have this terribly convenient out, thanks to that scorecard. And isn't that something, the desire to keep a scorecard?!?! What a devious way to avoid getting real about what the hell is going on.......
So I called. Left another message. And after I called, sure as the sunrise I felt better. A few minutes later it dawned on me; Geoff is in for it. I mean really in for it. Every day. I'm going to call and wail down the phone to his kids (this is a house phone, by the way) to let their Dad out of the basement, to his wife his long lost best friend needs him! I'm going to overwhelm him with my love and friendship, and refuse to take no for an answer. I'm going to threaten an intervention, to throw a party in his house, by me. But I'm going to do it with a smile. Some grace. And my own Big Mind. I know in my heart he loves me. I was the best man at his wedding fercrissakes. Courage for two. Yep, letting go of the past can be a bitch, but I know better. It can also be like Sunday morning sex. With the windows open, a breeze blowing. Poor Geoff. If he only knew how little chance his ego has. Ha.
Don Quixote has found his windmill.
And yes, I do have a major crush on Brandi. That girl is all that and a box of chocolates. Dark chocolate at that.