Day 12...
A day to make you chuckle. To ponder this crazy thing we call life and all the ups and downs that come with it. Today wasn't merely a morning spent riding and schooling, it was a day worth remembering for many reasons.
When I was a kid, my sister Blythe's best friend growing up was Sanna Neilson. We were next door neighbors, our parents were close. In fact, Sanna's mother is Blythe's godmother. Sanna and I always got along great, though never terribly close during those years...as we grew up and started to make inroads in steeplechasing, Blythe and I as professional jockeys, Sanna as an accomplished amateur. Soon enough Sanna started training for her step-father George Strawbridge, and not long after I took over riding races for her. Sanna and I won our first race at Saratoga together, and her barn began filling up. Before long she started dating another jockey, Craig Thornton, and then one day, as often happens to jockeys, I found out I was out of a job by looking at the entries. No phone call, no conversation. Normally this isn't the biggest deal, but Sanna and I had been lifelong friends, and it did hurt. On top of that, her boyfriend was someone I had an intense dislike for. Not only was he a good jockey, which created a understandable professional tension, in the time he came over from New Zealand had shown a style of riding bordering on ruthless and a personality to match. For a couple of years everyone went about their jobs, all of being successful. Blythe and I both became champion jockey, and not long after Sanna won leading trainer...despite being neighbors and sharing the land to train on, there wasn't very much drama nor animosity between Sanna and I, and she and Blythe remained best friends. Blythe actually moved in with Sanna and Craig, and it was after this things took a heavy turn. I was riding up at Saratoga when my friend Gus and best friend Sean took me aside to tell me Craig had sexually assaulted Blythe.
I was dumbstruck initially. Then outraged as they shared the details. Knowing my feelings towards Craig, which I had always been outspoken about, combined with the family histories and Blythe's friendship with Sanna had discouraged Blythe from speaking to anyone for a few days, when finally she told Sean what happened...At that point in our lives, my relationship with Blythe was tenuous at best. We had grown up fanatically competitive, and that only grew during our time riding races against one another. When you both ride for your father, against each other, against our father and one another, it only got more heated. Having said that, when Sean and Gus told me what had happened I knew I had but one choice; take care of Blythe. And really it wasn't a choice at all. The only other option would be unthinkable, and it never occurred to me to do nothing. So I drove home, took a baseball bat and a friend to the house Craig was staying in, met him at the door and told him in no uncertain terms he was leaving town.
The next stop was Sanna's house (Craig was sleeping elsewhere after assaulting Blythe). I told her my feelings, told her I was worried about her well-being since Craig had already broken a guys jaw with a beer bottle and been known to rough up a prior girlfriend...and that she should be careful before Craig leaves town. Of course, I had made up my mind what was going to happen without consulting too many people, Sanna included. Blythe had only a month or so before moved to another house a mile down the road, and there was simply no way she could remain living so close to the man who had assaulted her. The fact Craig and Sanna had a thriving operation made no matter to me. Nor did the two of them being together as a couple make a difference. In my mind, some things are just too important. Too sacred. It wasn't long before I was made to realize these feelings weren't shared by everyone. Craig was sent off to sober up, after claiming he had a problem, with the understanding he would come back to ride for Sanna, the question of resuming their personal relationship to be decided at a later date. I was flabbergasted and torn up. My pleas for reason to prevail were met with mute silence. By almost everyone around me. Parents. Friends. The local community seemed to think the most important element was the continued success of Sanna's training operation, and Craig riding for her was the desired situation. Blythe went to work for Jonathan Sheppard full time so she wouldn't have to confront Craig every day out on the gallops. As for me, I had to put up with it.
Needless to say, it wasn't long before things changed. Sanna was no longer comfortable seeing me every day, so I was told my presence on the gallops was no longer tenable. I had to leave. By this time I had started to train myself, so it meant I had to not only find a barn for my horses, but also find suitable places to train the horses...As fate would have it, my training suffered, as did I. The steeplechase world is a small one, sometimes painfully small. Those years were beyond difficult. I lost a lot of faith during that time. Faith in people. Faith in life working out.
Eventually, Blythe retired from riding due to consecutive concussions. She married, moved to Maryland and had two beautiful kids. She's happy. I kept on riding and training, kept winning races as a jockey but struggled training...Sanna remained at the top, her operation cemented as one of the most stable and reliably successful. During that tumultuous summer, I had taken a horse from a local man named Michael Moran to train and ride. A horse he was fed up with, no longer interested in trying to work with. We did well, won our first race together. Michael was great about it, though he took the horse back after winning, thinking I had sorted him out. One bad start later, he was back again for the fall races...of course, as fate would have it, the weekend the horse was slated to run was a double weekend, and I had to go to Georgia to ride while Michael's horse was going to Virginia. Despite being the trainer of the horse I had more commitments in Georgia, though I really wanted to ride Michael's horse. Michael understood the situation I was in, not being able to ride his horse. But who was going to? Michael wanted Craig. Simply on the merits of best available jockey, it was a no-brainer. Craig was the best available. But in my mind there was no way. No fucking way. Over my dead body. I didn't want to, but I had to tell Michael why I felt the way I did. So I told him about Blythe. To a man who has 3 daughters, no less. And when I was finished, he said this was business. I nearly exploded. But nothing was changing his mind. I called the other people who owned half the horse. They said it was Michael's decision. I was apoplectic. My head was swimming with the thought, what is wrong with people???? Have they no morality, no sense of right, no sense of community?!?! That Saturday, Michael's horse left my barn in the morning to be ridden that afternoon by the man who assaulted my sister only months before. My relationship with Michael, one that started on the best of terms, disintegrated. Vanished. I didn't speak to him for years after. And that winter he sent a 3 year old to Sanna's barn for her to train. His name was McDynamo. Some 8 years later he retired the sports all-time money career money earner.
Sometimes truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

When I took Landmark Education 3 years ago, I had a revelation. I had many revelations, actually. My world was turned upside down, in the best possible way. One of them allowed me to see the person I had been, and why. Without judgment either. And Sanna was among the first phone calls I wanted to make. For something like 5 years we could barely tolerate being within shouting distance of one another, sworn enemies of the deepest kind. But in the weekend I spent at Landmark, it all washed away in me. The hurt and the hate evaporated. Where I once sneered I now sympathized. It was the single most powerful weekend of my life, and I couldn't help but want to share with my friends and family, with my ex-girlfriend even! And yes, I wanted to share it with Sanna. After all, we had grown up together, and our history went back long before any of us rode a race. So I called Sanna. I apologized for taking matters into my own hand, and my hand only, when Craig assaulted Blythe. I took ownership for not realizing how what I did affected Sanna's life, for when it all happened it was generally assumed Sanna and Craig were going to get married one day...I said I'm sorry, and I meant every single word of it. As you might imagine, Sanna had a hard time believing what she was hearing. She politely declined coming to my dads house for a meeting of my family and friends so I could share the Landmark experience. And she kept her distance after that, too. But that was okay. I had no axe to grind anymore, no daggers to carry. In me there was nothing but kindness and compassion. You see, what Landmark does is give you the tools to understand why you do what you do, but also the tools to see why other people do what they do. And from then on all I could think was the shy little girl who only wanted to get along. I couldn't see the snob who took her life as successful trainer as fait accompli anymore...it was nothing more than a thin veil covering the snot nosed 10 year old I grew up with.
Since Landmark, Sanna and I have been cordial. She hasn't even attempted to explain, apologize or offer a handshake, and you know what? It doesn't matter. Oh sure, there is still some little ego in me who wants my pound of flesh, my heartfelt apology, but I see it for what it is; my poor little ego. Nothing more, nothing less. It's nothing short of amazing, not only the complete lack of animosity but even better the human spirit of kindness and empathy I felt flowing inside. And how, you might very well ask, has this manifested itself? In what way have I shown this complete and utter turnaround?
Sanna has lost her job as trainer for her soon to be ex-step father. Kicked out of her barn, kicked off the gallops. Where she once trained 30, she now has 5 or 6. Instead of picking up the phone to give orders, she's in the barn riding out. She has one rider working for her instead of 6. Yesterday she called me to ask if I would school a horse for her. And I quite happily said yes. The fact we were schooling over my fences, and she didn't ask permission? No matter. I was just happy to help her out. And you know how I know just how far I've come? The idea of reminding her how life has changed didn't even cross my mind.
I'm on my way. I might not be there yet, but I am on my way.